I have started to say
“A quarter of a century”
Or “thirty years back”
About my own life.
It makes me breathless
It’s like falling and recovering
In huge gesturing loops
Through an empty sky.
All that’s left to happen
Is some deaths (my own included).
Their order, and their manner,
Remain to be learnt.
Philip Larkin
I have a birthday coming up and so I’m sort of melancholy. A few years back I could say, “Well, I am only halfway there, God willing…” Nowadays, that might be a stretch. I’m healthy, more or less, but the years are starting to wear on me. I’ve started to feel that, perhaps, I’ve been slightly ambitious in my plans.
There are many things that folks still do at my age. We change jobs, move to new houses, make new friends. A few still have babies and a select few still fall in love.
Only a few short years ago I decided to change careers. Did I know what I was doing at the time? Perhaps…I don’t do much without strong convictions and a full court press. I do not fear change, I embrace it. It’s a cold hard wind sometimes but an invigorating one. It’s my version of riding your bike to work during the Chicago winter.
But even I get weary. It’s occasionally difficult to put my game face on. My risk averse accountant DNA forced me to keep one foot in my previous life as a consultant while I dipped two toes into the deep end of writing and journalism. But, at a certain point, that balancing act became untenable.
I’m often asked how I can write what I do, so critical, thumbing my nose at any hope to ever be employed again in the industry I once called home. My response is simple. One either has to be so rich to not care what anyone thinks or so poor that one has nothing to lose.
Guess where I’m sitting…
Given the way things are turning out, I’m glad I took the plunge. I’m finally doing what makes me sublimely happy. Truly, I had nothing to lose. When others ask me for advice – and so many do given the cuts and layoffs in the accounting and finance industry, I always ask them, “What is it you really want to do?” The question is not, “What are you good at?” or “What do others expect you to do?” Instead, at some point, you have to ask yourself, “What should I be doing to use the talents God gave me?”
Barring a spoiled spouse or complete fear of the unknown, it’s worth it to finally try a life of your own on for size. It’s especially nice, I think, if you’re over the halfway mark, as I was.
What better time to start living?
In the same way, I’ve asked myself if I’m too old to start something new in some other areas of my life. Is it too late to include children in my life, in some way, shape or form? Is it too late to go to law school? Is it too late to become a professor? Is it too late to write my first novel? Is it too late to fall in love again?
My eyes are weak. My legs are not as strong as they used to be. My heart has been broken into so many pieces there’s a permanent hole where the “I trust my own judgment” corner should slide in. I just gave up the umpteenth gym membership and I do not have a good bike to ride. But I do have a new little house in the neighborhood where I grew up and a new yard that my old dog loves. Coming home again a few months ago feels like starting fresh. I’m looking at my history with new eyes. New routines feel like old friends already. Old friends are more interesting than I imagined.
And just when I thought I would never cook for anyone ever again, never be able to count on anyone again, never share good and bad, never look up and see someone looking back at me in the same way, someone old but new walked down the street.
Just as I was starting to think I was past my sell-by date, I suddenly have an overwhelming list of things worth getting up early and staying up late for. It’s enough to make me think about getting another Rottie for my Rosie to play with.
Why not?
We’ve both still got plenty of time to enjoy.
——
Francine McKenna (@retheauditors on Twitter) has more than twenty-five years of experience in a range of industries in the consulting and professional services environment. She is the Managing Editor of the specialized news site, re: The Auditors, that focuses on the business of the Big 4 audit firms. This site provides essential updates on accounting regulation, auditing, and strategy combined with high- quality, independent, original reporting on the accounting industry. She is a freelance writer with credits in the Financial Times, Accountancy Age, Accountancy Magazine, Internal Auditor Magazine and various financial, media, and technology blogs and has been quoted in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Financial Times, Times of London and Chicago Tribune, amongst others. She also blogs at The Huffington Post. She has been interviewed by accounting and social marketing/media sites. Her public speaking credits include private training, university teaching, and speeches for the Institute of Internal Auditors, the Information Systems Audit and Control Association, and the Maryland Association of CPAs.
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